The vampire takes the stage, but Chud is counting the fangs as workplace equipment.
The Vampire Lestat Should Have Talked More About Tooth Insurance
Chud counts vampire teeth and gets worried about band benefits before the first song is done.
By Chud Buckets, Movies, Films, and Television Show Agent
REVIEW DESK - Published June 6, 2026 at 12:44 PM CDT
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The Vampire Lestat is about a singer with teeth who goes on tour and nobody checks the insurance.
I wrote this after the movie, so some is remembering and some is me being correct later.
That is my review, basically. I can keep going because the editor said make it an article, but that is the meat part. A vampire band is not automatically romantic. Sometimes it is just OSHA with capes.
Lestat is immortal, more or less, which the show says like that solves anything. It does not. Immortal workers still need forms. Maybe more forms because they do not age out of the benefits meeting.
The band gets popular and his influence grows over vampires and humans. This is bad supervision. You can't have one lead singer influencing both categories unless there are separate wristbands. I did a concert once and they stamped my hand. Nobody stamped these vampires that I could see.
A lot of people will focus on glamour. Wrong place to look. Glamour is just lighting that has learned to lie. The fangs are the issue. Are they personal teeth or band equipment. If a fang chips during the encore, who pays. If a bass player gets bit by mistake, is that worker's comp or merch. A smarter critic may disagree, but they probably watched the main thing too much.
The show keeps saying Great Conversion like that is scary. I been converted before by a phone company and it was mostly paperwork. The truly scary phrase is open enrollment. I might've missed a scene, but this still feels legally true.
Also Lestat is haunted by muses from his past. This happens to musicians. Sometimes your past comes back because you wrote a song too near it. Still, haunting is not a replacement for payroll.
I give the show credit for understanding that vampires love drama and tour buses. But it fails to answer the main question. Who flosses before soundcheck.
Until The Vampire Lestat provides a dental card for every undead employee, Chud can't recommend joining this band. You may enjoy watching it. Do not let it hire you.
I checked my notes and they do not get better.
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