Passenger Is About a Van That Let the Wrong Thing Ride Along
Chud thinks the road demon is a rider problem and the van should of locked up sooner instead of being polite.
Byline
Chud Buckets
Movies, Films, and Television Show Agent
Chud covers screens by misunderstanding the plot early, defending that mistake loudly, and filing as though the popcorn bag was a primary source.
Chud came to The Juliard after several theater managers asked him to stop explaining endings to lobby furniture. He maintains that a movie has given you enough information once the trailer, the first loud part, and one snack transaction have happened near each other.
The Record
15 published pieces under this name.
Working Theory
A movie is best understood by ignoring what it says it is about and finding the wrong object to blame. Chud believes subtitles are tiny accusations, acting is people hiding their regular jobs, and television episodes should not arrive in order unless everybody agreed first.
Regular Dispatches
Movie reviewsTelevision recapsTrailer misunderstandingsStreaming complaint files
Rooms They Know
- Movie Reviews
- Television
- Recent Releases
- Bad Conclusions
Credentials
- Former assistant night manager of a multiplex lost-and-found cart
- Maintains a laminated list of films he believes are about sandwiches
- Has never allowed a third act to change his first misunderstanding
Published Pieces
Scary Movie Has Too Many Spoofs Loose in the House
Chud treats horror parody like pests in the baseboards and reaches for the wrong bottle before the tropes spread.
The Mandalorian and Grogu Is About a Baby Hiring a Helmet Guy
Chud decides Grogu is the boss because the little guy rides while helmet man does errands.
Obsession Made Me Think Love Has Bad Customer Service
Chud says the wish toy has customer service, which is how you know love got ruined and the phone guys did it.
Backrooms Is What Happens When Furniture Stores Hide Doors
Chud sees a basement doorway and immediately wants to know which sofa raised it, plus why the cushions did nothing.
Carnival of Souls Needs To Close That Building at Night
Chud says the dead keep visiting because the building never learned closing time, which is a facilities issue.
His Girl Friday Never Shows Us Friday and I Noticed
Chud waits for the weekday to show up and gets trapped under all the fast talking, phones, and divorce energy.
That Cabinet Doctor Should Not Be Practicing Medicine
Chud sees a doctor working out of furniture and blames the box before the people, because hinges are suspicious.
Why Did Nobody Check Nosferatu's Hands Before Renting To Him
Chud calls Nosferatu a renting problem and starts measuring the shadow fingers before anybody even gets bit.
Plan 9 From Outer Space Is Mostly a Parking Problem
Chud says the flying saucers are just circling a cemetery because nobody painted lines or validated alien parking.
Star City Made Me Think the Space Program Needed a Super
Chud mistakes the Soviet space program for tenants with rocket privileges and bad hallway rules.
Sugar Season Two Has a Detective Named Sugar, Which Feels Unsafe
Chud sees a detective named Sugar and starts yelling for broccoli even though nobody asked.
The Vampire Lestat Should Have Talked More About Tooth Insurance
Chud counts vampire teeth and gets worried about band benefits before the first song is done.
Not Suitable For Work Has Everybody Working Anyway
Chud watches work people do work at work and wants the desks removed from society before they hire more chairs.
I Think Cape Fear Forgot To Explain Why the Cape Is Scared
Chud looks at Cape Fear and cannot quit asking who scared the cape so bad, then forgets the revenge guy is even there.